Dear morningstar:
First off, I see you have used my real name which I have no problem with ( but I can see someone's hand in that one ), but I still have honor and will not use your real name in this response.
Now, let me say this up front about your family, I can only assume you are referring to the letters I sent out this past week to each of them saying how sorry and to apologize to each of them for putting them through the pain that I put them through in the past. I wasn't looking for them to reply, nor forgive me, but I needed to say how honestly sorry I was and had no intentions to ever contact them again. You can them it will not happen ever again, I just thought I owed it to them, guess I was wrong again.
As for you getting on with your " new " found BDSM lifestyle honestly I have accepted this and honestly it was nice the last time I saw you smiling, laughing. I felt it was awkward for us to be in the same room, so I decided then and there to not show up at anything you were attending to make it easier on you. Also, when one of your " play partners " wrote me and said I was " interferring in my playtime " that only confirmed my decision to stop attending events even those that I had been personally been invited to so I wouldn't be interfering with your " new " life and to let your " play partners " be able to attend to your needs since they seemed to be having troubles in that area.
As for comments, basically I did the same thing as attending places with some exceptions when you posted or commented something that was vanilla/BDSM, like " ...silly men... " and then I would respond back " what about silly women? ", comments that would be made by anyone but you decided to ban me and that was ok, since anyone can ban anyone for what ever reason they choose no matter how petty that decision is.
There are only two things that still bother me about this whole fucking breakup, but I don't think I will ever get the honest answers from you, so I move on. I am sorry thought that I ruined your life for the past 10 years.....
In conclusion, I feel that in your mind/feelings ( what ever word(s) you wish to use ) I am as good as dead, maybe that is what should have happened. You have asked me to " Please Warren - let it go for once and all " so unless you, your family or " play partners " respond/blog or email directly I WILL NOT BE CONTACTING YOU, I AM DEAD AS FAR AS I AM CONCERNED, hell who knows it just might happen anyways!!!!!
*** Note for those readers ( and you know you are ) of this blog that felt I should stop blogging about this breakup in public I just wanted to let you know I didn't start this one, but I needed to reply to morningstar and her small comment space won't have worked. ***
*** NOTE morningstar has since taken down her " Open Letter " blog that was the result of this reply blog ***
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7 comments:
There's a difference between her using your real name in her blog and you using her real name in your blog. You have identified yourself, in the name of your blog, as Warren (which, for all your readers know, is a fake name). Your blog contains your name. She has never, to the best of my recollection, identified her on her blog or yours as anything but Morningstar.
W.
First off I didn't quite know how to refer to you on my blog. You are not my Sir anymore.. And I thought W sounded a bit impersonal - I have changed it to W just so you know.
>I felt it was awkward for us to be in the same room, So I decided >then and there to not show up at >anything you were attending to >make it easier on you
First off I think everyone should know that I wrote you first and apologised for the awkwardness between us. I don't believe that awkward first hello had any bearing on my play time that evening. Nor did it affect me when I saw you at a munch.
>when one of your " play partners >" wrote me and said I was " >interferring in my playtime "
I think you should know W that that email was prompted by my reaction to an email from you just before I left the house. I was devastated by it and it was quite obvious when I joined them that I had been crying. Just like you used to try and protect me from things that made me upset/cry that was their response. I personally think it was a very decent gesture on their part - to try and help me feel secure.
They did not want ... nor do I expect - you to stay away from events. I will repeat again - it does not bother me to see you at events - nor does your being there interfere with anyone's play time. Only the hurtful emails did that.
>comments that would be made by >anyone but you decided to ban me >and that was ok, since anyone can >ban anyone for what ever reason >they choose no matter how petty >that decision is.
Just for the record W I had blocked you BEFORE I made that cheeky comment about men.. and it wasn't even directed at you! There was a glitch in FL and I wrote to the "caretakers" and had it taken care of immediately. I will repeat - I had blocked you BEFORE I made that comment.
>I am sorry though that I ruined >your life for the past 10 >years.....
I am pretty sure there is nothing that I can say that is going to make you understand you did NOT ruin my life for god's sakes !!! IF you were ruining it do you honestly believe I am so stupid I would have stuck around for 10 years???!!!! AND if my life had been ruined - how could I have picked up the pieces and moved on.. ruined is a pretty permanent state.
>In conclusion, I feel that in >your mind/feelings ( what ever >word(s) you wish to use ) I am as >good as dead, maybe that is what >should have happened.
W - that is the type of extreme reaction that drove me away........ that keeps me away.... that hurts me. I do not wish you "good as dead". I never have nor will I ever. However if that is how you wish to face life now... that is your decision. I have no control how you think or chose to live your life.
morningstar
Thank you Anonymous - once again I took all the blame on my shoulders without thinking. You are quite correct - it is Warren's blog now and I didn't need to beat myself up over using "Warren".
morningstar
You always used " W " before and then you go using Warren ( which I don't mind at all, like some do ) that is why I said what I said, so go and use it anytime!
You are SO MUCH BETTER at words than I am, so I am unaable to try to explain ( not argue ) the rest of what you have commented on, I know I will only just land up getting into more trouble.
YOU HAVE YOUR WAY NOW, I WILL NOT contact you or your family in ANYWAY, SHAPE or FORM. Something I am very sad about ( you know my views on this subject ).
You know, when you say things like "I'M DEAD AS FAR AS I AM CONCERNED hell who knows it just might happen anyways!!!!!" and several other statements you've made about ending your life or your life not mattering anymore, you sound very unstable and more than a little scary.
Breakups are hard for everyone involved; it's painful, it's sad, feelings run high, things are said in anger or pain or both but many of the things you've said sound irrational and frightening and far beyond what most go through during a breakup.
I'm not trying to hurt or upset you or anything, but you may want to seek out a mental/emotional professional and get some help. I mean you well and I hope you do get some counseling to help you with these disturbing feelings you are going through. ~~A
W,
Your response to M really looks like a suicide threat. It's emotionally manipulative. You should really seek counseling as you obviously have not been able to move on despite your claims to be doing so.
@Blade, if I was going to suicide as a emotionally manipulative threat I wouldn't say it I would just go over to " M's " condo sit in her secret garden and kill myself.
I take suicide very seriously and don't use it as a threat, but as usual my use of words don't work like " M's ", so I will try again, if she wants me out of her life then she should consider me Dead since I will no longer have any contact with her no emails, blogs,
anything! I was sort of being cheeky about " who knows it might just happen anyways " since I could be hit by a bus crossing the street and in this town it happens all the time...
Hope it clears things up for you Blade because if/when/ever I do kill myself I am not going to tell anyone but rather just do it!
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